Veronika Decides To Die: Excerpt

"I'm alive, thought Veronika. Everything's going to start all over again. I'll have to stay here a while, until they realize that I'm perfectly normal. Then they'll let me out, and I'll see the streets of Ljubljana again, its main square, the bridge, the people, going to and from work.
Since people always tend to help others --just so they can feel they are better than they really are--they'll give me my job back at the library. In time I'll start frequenting the same bars and nightclubs, I'll talk to my friends about the injustices and problems of the world, I'll go to the movies, take walks around the lake.
Since I only took sleeping pills, I'm not disfigured in any way: I'm still young, pretty, intelligent, I won't have any difficulty getting boyfriends, I never did. I'll make love with them in their houses or in the woods, I'll feel a certain degree of pleasure, but the moment I reach orgasm, the feeling of emptiness will return. We won't have much to talk about, and both he and I will know it. The time will come to make our excuses--"It's late," or "I have to get up early tomorrow"--and we'll part as quickly as possible, avoiding looking each other in the eye.
I'll go back to my rented room in the convent. I'll try to read a book, turn on the TV to see the same old programs, set the alarm clock to wake up exactly the same time I woke up the day before, and mechanically repeat my tasks at the library. I'll eat a sandwich in the park opposite the theater, sitting on the same bench, along with other people who all have the same vacant look but pretend to be pondering extremely important matters.
Then I'll go back to work; I'll listen to the gossip about who's going out with whom, who's suffering from what, how such and such a person was in tears about her husband and I'll be left with the feeling that I'm privileged: I'm pretty, I have a job, I can have any boyfriend I choose. So I'll go back to the bars at the end of the day, and the whole thing will start again.
My mother, who must be out of her mind with worry over my suicide attempt, will recover from the shock and will keep asking me what I'm going to do with my life, why I'm not the same as everyone else, things really aren't as complicated as I think they are. "Look at me, for example, I've been married to your father for years, and I've tried to give you the best possible upbringing and set you the best possible example."...to be continued

Okay so there is more to this excerpt to come, I am just to lazy to finish copying it out of the book right now, but I just want everyone to note that I am in NO WAY suicidal, so nobody freak out at me or anything. Now having said that I can continue with what I wanted to say about this particular passage.

This whole chapter kind of scared me because I have realized similar fears about my life being the same everyday and being made to conform to a way of life I didn't really agree with or want, I already feel pressure from my own parents about what I want to do and where I am going with my life. So yeah I found that I could really relate to some of this passage. Also something else that caught my eye was the way the author wrote it, it is Veronika planning out what she thinks that will happen, but you notice throughout the entire passage that it lacks emotion, showing what sort of state the character is in she arrives at the mental hospital. I the writing is also amazing considering this was written by a male and a Brazilian no less, he really seems to get into her head and understand some of the fears of a Slovenian female. One thing I hate about reading this a second time is, I kept thinking, damn I wish I could write that good!